The day I found out we were expecting our first child was one of the most special memories I have. It was an evening of blissful togetherness, it generated feelings of joint destiny, wonder and just a little bit of fear. One little test had changed our lives forever, here is how it happened.
We live on Australia's Gold Coast. Moving here was a decision we made together, moving away from our families early 2007 in favor for a beach lifestyle. As such, we often have our families visit us for weekends or weeks at a time, staying in our spare room. It really is one of the joys of living at a tourist destination.
At the start of 2008, we had my parents staying with us for a week. It was during this week we started to think we may have a little, unplanned bundle of joy on the way. For better or worse, we waited till mum and dad had left before we got that test.
Doing the test was an experience in itself. My wife took it into the bathroom, followed the instructions and lost all confidence, fleeing the room. She insisted I go and check the results, she no longer had the courage.
So I wandered into the bathroom to discover the telltale additional lines, our first baby was on the way. I headed back into the living room with a huge grin on my face and was met by a barrage of demands. Demands that I tell her immediately and to stop holding out on her. So I sat down beside her and softly said "sweetheart, we are going to have a baby".
All of a sudden, her confidence returned and she bolted into the bathroom to check the results herself. She couldn't believe it. It really was an amazing few moments. A complete roller-coaster. Which in retrospect was a pretty good introduction to pregnancy generally.
That night was one of the most memorable, joyous nights I can remember. It can only be described with words like love, intimacy, quiet, still, beautiful, together. It was one of those evening which binds two people in a relationship. It was the sharing of a secret that can't really be understood properly for its wonder, a secret that soon would be shared with the world, just not quite yet.
We live on Australia's Gold Coast. Moving here was a decision we made together, moving away from our families early 2007 in favor for a beach lifestyle. As such, we often have our families visit us for weekends or weeks at a time, staying in our spare room. It really is one of the joys of living at a tourist destination.
At the start of 2008, we had my parents staying with us for a week. It was during this week we started to think we may have a little, unplanned bundle of joy on the way. For better or worse, we waited till mum and dad had left before we got that test.
Doing the test was an experience in itself. My wife took it into the bathroom, followed the instructions and lost all confidence, fleeing the room. She insisted I go and check the results, she no longer had the courage.
So I wandered into the bathroom to discover the telltale additional lines, our first baby was on the way. I headed back into the living room with a huge grin on my face and was met by a barrage of demands. Demands that I tell her immediately and to stop holding out on her. So I sat down beside her and softly said "sweetheart, we are going to have a baby".
All of a sudden, her confidence returned and she bolted into the bathroom to check the results herself. She couldn't believe it. It really was an amazing few moments. A complete roller-coaster. Which in retrospect was a pretty good introduction to pregnancy generally.
That night was one of the most memorable, joyous nights I can remember. It can only be described with words like love, intimacy, quiet, still, beautiful, together. It was one of those evening which binds two people in a relationship. It was the sharing of a secret that can't really be understood properly for its wonder, a secret that soon would be shared with the world, just not quite yet.
Pregnancy is full of such moments for a couple. Moments which bring you together and bind you with joint purpose. I'm really glad that we were introduced to pregnancy in this manner, as it gave me a perspective on how such experiences can really build a relationship and make for a happier home. Having experienced this first hand, I understood pretty quickly that it was pretty important to protect our relationship in a way that ensured these moments were experienced by us in our little circle of a new family. I quickly saw however that there were many egos who tried to take these moments away from us and claim them for themselves. I call these people the "well meaning women" as typically they are women who think they are helping, but clearly cross all boundaries of appropriate behavior and rather, interfere in the decisions and moments which should be respected as family only.
For example, one of my partner's friends went as far as to speak to my her sister, independently of us, telling her we need her in the delivery room. My mind boggled at the inappropriateness of this. The birth of our baby is such an intimate experience, no-one but my wife and I should be making decisions about who needed to be in the delivery room. The simple fact was, we wanted no-one there, the thought of having someone else in the delivery room with us was intrusive to the extreme.
We also had people telling us, in their "wisdom and experience", that the advice we were receiving from our doctor was wrong and we should listen to them instead. Naturally, as the father to be, I was excluded from all these conversations. Apparently I wasn't needed in the decision making process.
This is part of the reason why, as mentioned above, expecting your firstborn can be a bit of a roller-coaster. The highs you experience really are tremendous, all those first time experiences that are happening because you and your partner are bringing a new life into the world.
But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
In talking to many other new fathers in my circle of friends, it seems as men, this is an issues we all have to face. The "well meaning woman" pops up everywhere, typically is the wife's best friend, or mother, sometimes it can be your own mother. Its always someone who has already had children though, and someone who "knows better".
If you are facing such an issue at the moment, with a well meaning woman trying to marginalize you from being involved in the birth of your own child, there are two things in particular which you need to protect your family from.
Firstly we found that all the "great advice" we were getting, was making us second guess our doctors. The one person you really want to be comfortable with and trust in a pregnancy is your doctor. So I found it was really important to us, that I made these people aware that I was not interested in their opinions of a medical nature. We basically made medical opinion regarding our family off limits to other people.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of you
For example, one of my partner's friends went as far as to speak to my her sister, independently of us, telling her we need her in the delivery room. My mind boggled at the inappropriateness of this. The birth of our baby is such an intimate experience, no-one but my wife and I should be making decisions about who needed to be in the delivery room. The simple fact was, we wanted no-one there, the thought of having someone else in the delivery room with us was intrusive to the extreme.
We also had people telling us, in their "wisdom and experience", that the advice we were receiving from our doctor was wrong and we should listen to them instead. Naturally, as the father to be, I was excluded from all these conversations. Apparently I wasn't needed in the decision making process.
This is part of the reason why, as mentioned above, expecting your firstborn can be a bit of a roller-coaster. The highs you experience really are tremendous, all those first time experiences that are happening because you and your partner are bringing a new life into the world.
But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
In talking to many other new fathers in my circle of friends, it seems as men, this is an issues we all have to face. The "well meaning woman" pops up everywhere, typically is the wife's best friend, or mother, sometimes it can be your own mother. Its always someone who has already had children though, and someone who "knows better".
If you are facing such an issue at the moment, with a well meaning woman trying to marginalize you from being involved in the birth of your own child, there are two things in particular which you need to protect your family from.
Firstly we found that all the "great advice" we were getting, was making us second guess our doctors. The one person you really want to be comfortable with and trust in a pregnancy is your doctor. So I found it was really important to us, that I made these people aware that I was not interested in their opinions of a medical nature. We basically made medical opinion regarding our family off limits to other people.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of you
This is part of the reason why, as mentioned above, expecting your firstborn can be a bit of a roller-coaster. The highs you experience really are tremendous, all those first time experiences that are happening because you and your partner are bringing a new life into the world.
But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
In talking to many other new fathers in my circle of friends, it seems as men, this is an issues we all have to face. The "well meaning woman" pops up everywhere, typically is the wife's best friend, or mother, sometimes it can be your own mother. Its always someone who has already had children though, and someone who "knows better".
If you are facing such an issue at the moment, with a well meaning woman trying to marginalize you from being involved in the birth of your own child, there are two things in particular which you need to protect your family from.
Firstly we found that all the "great advice" we were getting, was making us second guess our doctors. The one person you really want to be comfortable with and trust in a pregnancy is your doctor. So I found it was really important to us, that I made these people aware that I was not interested in their opinions of a medical nature. We basically made medical opinion regarding our family off limits to other people.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of your spouse.
As you approach the birth of your first you are likely to bump into the well meaning woman. If you do, this may be small comfort, but you are not the first and will not be the last. Remember to trust your instincts all the time, they will most likely be right. And if it gets beyond the joke, find another father to discuss the issue with. I'm sure you'll quickly find many who have faced similar challenges without needing to look too far, and get some quality advice on how to deal with it.
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But they often are tempered by the "well meaning woman", who seems to want to compete with you for ownership of these moments. This for me was especially hard to fathom given she is was one of the people we wanted to share with and talk to about it all. (well, at least until she pushed once too often)
In talking to many other new fathers in my circle of friends, it seems as men, this is an issues we all have to face. The "well meaning woman" pops up everywhere, typically is the wife's best friend, or mother, sometimes it can be your own mother. Its always someone who has already had children though, and someone who "knows better".
If you are facing such an issue at the moment, with a well meaning woman trying to marginalize you from being involved in the birth of your own child, there are two things in particular which you need to protect your family from.
Firstly we found that all the "great advice" we were getting, was making us second guess our doctors. The one person you really want to be comfortable with and trust in a pregnancy is your doctor. So I found it was really important to us, that I made these people aware that I was not interested in their opinions of a medical nature. We basically made medical opinion regarding our family off limits to other people.
Secondly we found that we were second guessing the decisions we had mad as a couple because of all the naysayers telling us they'd do it differently. We gradually learned that that probably the most important things a couple can bring to their pregnancy and the birth of their children, are their own instincts. Other mothers' instincts and ideas were great for their pregnancies and births, but every single one is unique. And there are only two people who know what is best for your unique pregnancy and that is you and your partner. No-one else's opinion is appropriate. You need to protect your family from other people's opinions undermining the trust you have in your own instincts and those of your spouse.
As you approach the birth of your first you are likely to bump into the well meaning woman. If you do, this may be small comfort, but you are not the first and will not be the last. Remember to trust your instincts all the time, they will most likely be right. And if it gets beyond the joke, find another father to discuss the issue with. I'm sure you'll quickly find many who have faced similar challenges without needing to look too far, and get some quality advice on how to deal with it.
About the Author:
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