A Lovable Little Pet Living a Lie

By Bob Matthews


True or false: Guinea pigs are tiny, hybrid animals that have been cultivated and cross-bred from wild pigs originally caught on the island of New Guinea. The fact that this animal was initially cross-bred in the laboratory to establish a pig breed that was both of nice disposition and sufficiently little to keep as a house pet, is the main reason that the guinea pig still remains linked with labs in almost all of our minds today.

Yes "I made all of that up. Guinea pigs are no more pigs from New Guinea than a pineapple is a Granny Smith growing from a pine tree. It's all a sad, misleading deception. Guinea pigs are neither pigs nor are they linked with New Guinea, Old Guinea, Young Adult Guinea nor any other Guinea that we are aware of for that matter.

Therefore as our title suggests, the name "guinea pig" is an outright lie. Guinea pigs are not some form of small mutant dwarf pig. That'd just be silly (they are actually tiny child-actors wearing tiny mutant dwarf pig costumes). Okay, I made that up too. They are actually rodents from the genus Cavia (which is the actual reason why they are also called Cavies). As rodents, they are related to chinchillas and porcupines - not hogs and pigs.

Originally, guinea pigs came from South America "not New Guinea. All guinea pigs that we know of are domesticated animals "which is to say "they don't exist in natural settings any more. A really massive relative of the guinea pig called the capybara still lives in the wild in South America. Ironically, due to its huge size, the capybara looks like it may truly be related to a pig or hog rather than its real cousin, the domestic Guinea Pig. What a puzzling family, those guinea pigs.

So why do people call this adorable small South American rodent a Guinea Pig? It's not well known, since this deceiving name was imposed upon this little creature many years past. Some people have conjectured that the guinea pig was given this name because it makes a noise that sounds just like a pig squealing. Others believe that, even though its features differ significantly from a farm pig, the guinea pig has a general round, stout, short-legged silhouette - similar to that of a pig or hog. Also, guinea pigs are big eaters which may very well also account for the pig reference.

As for the "guinea" part of the name, some people believe that this might have been obtained from a South American region named Guinana. Another theory is that trade routes that originally brought the guinea pig to Europe might have passed through Guinea and could have given their name to the fuzzy small rodent.

Either way, I'm hoping that this little essay has explained at least some mysteries of the guinea pig. We may never know just exactly where the guinea pig label originated "but we do know precisely where it did not come from. Guinea pigs are neither pigs nor are they from New Guinea. They're rodents and they are originally from South America.

Next time: Why it is not necessary to learn how to drive in order to become a busboy.




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